troubledgirl

hi been a while enti lol well in my last three blog my life was messed up if you want to know i found out that guy was just trying to use me for sex thankgod i wasn't stupid anoth to give it to him and i havn't try to kill my self since then life has got back on track i have now left school and start collage in nuneton i have had another boyfriend but we split after a week n a half we were to diffrent lol but i have another boy on my mind at the moment so let hope it all works out i am stilltalkin to that dan guy i meet on the internet i don't know if i ever will meet up with him donno if i can trust him i have made loads of new firend and still kept my old ones i died my hair a darker ginger like  wanted to i look a lot better no and still ginger and my hair isn't as dry lol me and that guy from the last ones we fell out for about 2 months he was a twat but we made friends know even thow quite a few people said i shouln't i hope my life stays on the ground now i don't want to go down that road again not for a while anyway the only cuts i done to my self resently are workin and 2 paper cuts on my fingers no its all good  speek soon xxxx

ok i think there is one reason i donno wat to do so far in my life i have had 2 bfs not includen the one wat lasted a day. any way the 1st one luke for about 2 weeks before we started goin out i idored him completly fansyed him and wen we ended up goin out i was like ok i don't wanan go out ith him any more i did't fancy him one bit i did't love him and just seen him as a m8 and i had tht feelin for the hole week we went out and the same with the other boy tyler i fancyed him well bad then when we went out i was like y am i goin out with him i don't want to i don't like him like tht and it got tht bad me and my m8s ended up cralwin on the floor to get past the door so he coun#t fine us or go to the tolets and go out the window like we did before wen we were there for a presentation and then after 2 weeks i dumbed him then like 2 day later i fanyed him like hell again this happend 3 times and i think maybe cuz i donno wat r relation shio is my mind is unsure of wat to think i donno xxx

wow wat a great way to start a blog sit there cryin tryin to cut my wrist with my nail and tryin to figer out wat to do with my life lol i am much better today i thanxs to my family well woke up get dressed and ready to go out we went to my second cusens christening her name is keeley and i was surounded by my hole family and some m8s lol at 1st me and my cuz soph was talkin bout boys makeup jeans lol loads then she hate to go and i went and sat with my sis and bro and it was fun and then my littiel cuz leigh ran over to me and i was talkin to her fo ages and she draged me up to dance lol near the end of the nyt r mate ash who did the food asked if i wantd a game of pool he won but them we had a go at boy vs girls me and leigh agaist my brothere and her littile bro lol bros vs sis lol it was fun and the boys won be me n my littile angle still had fun i got ome arounf 9 30 at nyt lol it was a gd fun day lol nyt nyt

ok it a satday night really late all i can think about is god i wish i was diffrent i have bin single for 2years now and my 2 best friends are both in seriose relationships all i can think about it maybe if i die my hair brown and work out and be thiner would i get a boyfriend but that would take ages and all my friends say to me you don't need to change your well pritty and when the right one come along you will look sexy in his eyes no matter how hard u try to make urself ugly lol now a guy i use to fancy really bad said if i still fancyed him he would think about goin back out with me and i don't no what to think or do i really want to be in a relationship but the thing is i don't want it with him i don't think i think i want it with some stranger you no the one your eyes meet across the room some stupid romance like that i am going to collage soon i want to go try and forget about all the hard times in hiht school and if i did most of the bad time would stay wih me cuz he is invoed in one of them and that one links to two things the same wat i want to forget i don't no what to do or say thow i feel like is i say yes i will regret it and my past from high school will hant me and if i say no i might not find a boyfriend for ages again. i want romance not a ow u devers a second chance i realyl want a gf lets give it a go see wat happens ow and don't tell any one if we do i want a guy who don't care if any one who they are datein cuz he is proud to be with me and would sing a song out side my house if we fall out or at least say he is goin to lol any way if u have any thought about this it would be a big help to figer out wat to do and at the min i am cryin sreain at my wrist and thn bk at my msn convo i don't no wat to do for now i am gonna go lie in bed and think xx night night